The Things We Say
by Tortallan Kitten
Summary: After the fight in which Olivia puts in a request for a new ADA... established, new relationship A/O... rated M for safety...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: oh the things that would happen on the show if I owned them...

Spoilers: Season 11

Summary: After the fight in which Olivia puts in a request for a new ADA... established, new relationship A/O

Alex Cabot stepped out of the shower, still furious. She had hoped a long, hot bath with the latest Radclyffe book would calm her down, but it didn't. She walked into her bedroom cursing when her glasses fogged up. For a second, she laughed, her anger pushed aside, and thought 'What would mother and daddy think if they could see me now? Well, that would speed up getting my inheritance cuz daddy would die...' She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old NYPD tshirt 'Olivia's' she thinks, pulling it on.

Grabbing her briefcase and extra legal pads, Alex walked the distance to her couch and made herself comfortable. She took out the first folder to begin making notes for upcoming trials and hearings. 'Fuck this!' she cursed her luck in pulling out the very case that had her so pissed off.

"Olivia, my lover, my life... or she was at any rate... not after today I should think. She made herself pretty clear on that point. I don't care, do I? Its all about saving my ass? Alright. Sure. I was saving my ass, dismissing that case, but I was told to. It was winnable... How the hell could they think I concealed evidence?! My detectives, sure, they have on occasion, but not me. And Olivia... my dear, sweet Olivia... I was trying to save her ass too. Everyone was headed for disciplinary action on this one, if I went down. Olivia, with her aiding her brother a few year back, could be demoted, dismissed, or at the least a long suspension and pay dock. Elliot could lose his job, Don, a suspension and transfer, Fin, suspension and pay dock, Munch, retirement or demotion... the whole unit would be split up. And me, it could ruin me, I would lose my license, my job, my reputation... What did I lose now, a bit of pride... my Olivia. Was not losing everything worth losing my love? Olivia... sweet, rough, compassionate, caring, apathetic Olivia... I would never hear her voice again, dropping octaves with desire, her eyes I could lose myself in, her touch... those talented hands that can play me like a violin, and her mouth on me..." "GOD DAMN IT!!"

Muttering she got up and walked to the kitchen sink and turned the water to very cold, needing to get the images of exactly what the infuriatingly sexy Detective Benson could and would do to her. As she was splashing water on her face she heard the front door open and shut. Quickly she toweled off her face, trying to think of who had a key. "Olivia," she muttered, walking out to the hall to face her lover. Ex-lover?


	2. Chapter 2

Spoilers: The episode in question is 11.8 "Turmoil." I didn't know the exact one earlier.

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A/N – was unbelievably busy with school work and had no time to write... now its winter break I should have another two chapters up within the week...

_--- --- --- --- She walked out into the hall to face her lover. Ex-lover? --- --- --- ---_

Alex stopped in the middle of the hallway and waited, looking anywhere but straight ahead. After what seemed like hours, she shook her head to clear it, took a deep breath, and looked up.

"What the..." the rest of the sentence died on her lips as she backed away from the rapidly advancing Detective Elliot Stabler. Alex backed up until she hit the wall, trapped. Elliot grabbed the front of her shirt, forcing her to look him in the eyes. Alex had faced the scum of society without batting an eye: rapists, murders, child abusers, child killers, drug lords, she took all in stride. Now, however, she was scared speechless seeing the emotions, the uncontrolled rage, in Elliot's eyes.

"You fuckin, self-servin bitch," he said, his tone deadly calm. "We did nothing wrong and you know it! This 'witness' is lyin their ass off. We have been tryin to get you everythin you needed to put the perv behind bars and because of this stupid investigation, you fuckin come down on us because your ass is on the line." His voice had been raising steading through the entire rant, but now he smiled and lowered his voice again. "You're scared. Good. Very good. You should be bitch. That shit you pulled on us is just typical ice-queen moves, but what you did to Liv was plain awful. She was crushed when you left after the Connors tria, but still hoped you qould come back and stay with her. The, we heard you were back, AND ENGAGED to _Robert_ and that broke her heart! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME SO FAR?!" Elliot paused, waiting for an answer. Alex nodded, confused and terrified. She had seen Elliot this far gone before and he usually bashed around the perps after yelling at them.

"You came waltzing to a crime scene last year, one you, even as ADA had no reason being at and begged Liv for another chance, said you had to 'find yourself,' and Robert and the other men were 'mistakes, big mistakes.' Yes Alex, she told me everything, everything then and everything now. Well guess what Counselor? You fuckin broke her heart again! Right now, my partner's at home getting dead-fuckin-drunk because of you. She doesn't want to see you again! Get it? Talk to her only when you must and only about cases, or you will deal with me."

With that he let go of Alex and stepped back a foot. He reached out and grabbed Alex's hand, hard, pressing something into her palm. She felt what it was, knew what it was, but couldn't bring herself to look. As Elliot walked to the door, she just stood there, crying.

Oh yes, and Counselor? Consider yourself dumped," Elliot added as he shut the door behind him.

Alex slumped down against the wall, lookin at the key in her hand. The key she had made for Olivia when they got back together. Finally the tears stopped and Alex got up and crawled into bed.

"3:30, I have to be up in three hours... shit..." she thought as she passed out, exhausted mentally and physically.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry ya'll. Why is it that the older you get in school the more work you get over breaks? Should it not be the less?

Disclaimer Cont.: any quotes that seem to be familiar are and I use them not with the intent of plagiarism but to provide an accurate characterization of the characters

Oh and, yes, Elliot showed a lot of restraint, for him at least... He figured that, Alex the way she is, would at least report any assault, if not have him arrested.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Alex reached a sort-of, but very uneasy, truce with Elliot and the rest of SVU. Only the captain was anywhere near friendly with her, 'and that's probably only because he's been in the same position a time or few' she thought, remembering his suspensions and that affair that saw him in SVU in the first place. But, instead of admitting she was wrong, or at least explaining everything, she retreated behind the old Ice-Bitch-Princess facade from her early SVU years.

True to form, Alex kept her interactions short and cool, going through Elliot whenever possible. This was not, as Elliot thought, in reaction to his threat, but because she could not stand the pain and longing, even pity at times, in Olivia's eyes then Alex looked at her. She wanted to reach out, to touch or just explain herself, but couldn't. The brunette seemed to have taken a cue from Alex's behavior and kept the discussions short and professional.

'Great. We're right back where we started.' Alex sighed mentally, walking out of the squad room one day after trying to go over Olivia's testimony with her. 'That was interesting. Even back when we thought we hated each other, when you could feel the tension, it never got this bad. She won't question me. I didn't even get more than a 'Hell,no!' when I suggested she wear a skirt to court. God Alex, what a mess you got yourself into now.'

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Alone in her office later that afternoon, Alex sat nursing a cup of tea and thinking about Olivia. 'Good God, the mess I'm in now. There have been dozens of chances for me to talk to her, explain myself, not to mention I could just pick up the damned phone and call her.' she sighed. 'Lets face it, I'm a fucking coward. I want her back but can't look her in the eyes and say it. Every time I try, the words just won't come out. Hmm... what to do? … GOT IT!! No words, I'll show her. I already forced that so-called witness to tell the truth, so now, maybe flowers. Yes, that's a nice start. A lovely bouquet and I'll write the message myself.' She nodded, standing up. She put the tea down and grabbed her purse, walking out to pay a visit to hers and Olivia's favorite florist.

------------------------------------------------- (Doink, Doink) -------------------------------------------------------

Alex arranged it with the florist so she could enter the squad room right as Olivia received the flowers. She stopped as the brunette opened the card, pretending to admire the flowers. Nervously, though hiding it well, she watched Olivia read the message, silently going through it again, hoping it wasa appropriate.

_Dearest Heart, _

_ I know the pain I caused you over the years has been entirely preventable if I were less of a stubborn coward. I swear to God I will try to make this latest episode up to you, if you let me. Please, dearest,I know I was wrong, if you'll only wait to completely shut me out of your life._

_ Love Forever,_

_ Your Allie_

Olivia was close to tears by the time she finished reading, something only Alex saw when Olivia looked up and gave hear a shaky half-smile. Slapping Elliot's hand away as he tried to grab the card, Olivia said to Alex, "Hey Counselor, the cap's waitin' for ya in his office. Might now want to keep him waitin' too much longer. El, I'm goin' for a walk, cover for me will ya?" she said in one breath before turning and leaving, the card still in her hand.

Alex couldn't help herself, watching that very fine ass of the brunette's as she left before chancing a glance at Elliot. He jerked his head towards the captain's office and grunted, "Get goin'." Alex did just that, in reality needing to go over some administrative issues with him.


End file.
